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40 Days Lighter – Day 31: Divine Desperation

“As a deer pants for flowing streams, so pants my soul for you, O God. My soul thirsts for God, for the living God.”

Psalm 42:1-2

When you are desperate for something, you will do just about anything to get it. Some of us have been known to lay aside logic or reason, throwing our better judgment to the backburner when we felt that sense of desperation. It is often the reason someone cheats on an exam, or steals from the grocery store, or in Lifetime movie type cases, may blackmail someone in a position of power. Desperation makes people do crazy things.

However it is also possible to see and experience desperation in a positive way.

Today, I felt such an extreme sense of desperation for God’s presence, in a manner I haven’t experienced in a long while. Not to ask for anything, not to complain about anything, but just to BE in HIS Presence. 

Today, I made the conscious choice to carve out quiet time – no one else in the house, no music, no devices or distractions open. Just absolute stillness, hearing only my breath. Not speaking other than to utter the phrase “You are the Living God,” as I pushed distracting thoughts away and focused my heart on the Life-Giver Himself.

And as I sat in the stillness, I began to experience God’s presence, His breath of life, restoring parts of me I didn’t even realize were broken, and I became undone, weeping in His presence.

My continual journey to declutter my life, my time, my thoughts, has led me to the place I most needed – open space with God. And now that I’ve gotten a taste, I never want to be without it again!


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